Answers To Your Adoption Questions

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Do I need to live in Indiana to work with Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh?

No you don’t need to live in Indiana to work with Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh.

In which states do you help expectant moms?

We help expectant moms in Mississippi, Tennessee, Indiana and any other state within United States.

Do I need to have a criminal background check to give my baby up for adoption?

The answer is no. At Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh, we like to provide as much information to the adoptive parents as possible so that they’ll have that for the benefit of the child. Medical history, social history, educational background, are some of the obvious things. But we like to let the adoptive parents know what the birth mom’s favorite color is, her favorite season, her favorite musical group, her favorite type of food. My guess is that an adoptee is going to be curious about the type of music that the birth mother likes well before the child is curious about whether there’s diabetes in the family.

Of course, the medical information is important, but the background information is even more important. In addition to the background form that we expect their moms to complete, we also ask them that they provide photographs of themselves and their family, and maybe other children if they have those, so that we can also share that with the adoptive parents. If they’d like to write a letter or even their parents or friends would like to write a letter, we want to gather as much information as possible to share with the adoptive parents. Not because we’re doing a background check on the mom, but because we want the child to have the benefit of that information on into the future.

I have other children, but I cannot parent another child. Can you help me?

Of course.  If you have other children and are pregnant and considering adoption for the child you are carrying we can help you with creating an adoption plan for that child.  You are not alone, we are here to help!

I already put a baby up for adoption and I am pregnant again, what should I do?

We don’t make any judgments about people, we know that things happen. If you will call us, and if you want us to, we’ll contact the original family to see if they’d be interested in adopting again. A lot of the moms we work with want the same family to adopt. That’s your choice. We’re not going to contact them unless you want us to, but it is an opportunity. They are not going to think badly of you, in fact, they’re going to think it’s the most wonderful thing in the world that’s ever happened if you allow them to adopt a sibling of a child that they’ve already adopted.

If I place by baby for adoption, will DCS take my older children?

The answer is no. Even if you have another child with whom DCS is involved, in almost every case, DCS will not be involved with the adoption of the newborn.

What will my friends think of me if I proceed with an adoption?

Your friends are not going to raise the baby for you. Your friends will not be responsible for providing food and clothing and shelter and schooling and tutoring and all those things.

We have to be honest with you that whether or not you proceed with an adoption, your friends are either going to like you or they’re not going to like you. You have to do, as a mother, you have to do what’s best for your child, and if your friends can accept that, that’s great, and if they can’t accept that, you still have to do what’s best for your child.

Will I regret my decision if I proceed with the adoption?

If you make your decision based on good reasons and then later have second thoughts about that decision, you can always go back and look at your reasons and say, “You know what? I made a good decision because those are all still valid reasons.” If you make well reasoned decision, you know that you did the right thing and that’s all you can ask for.

The other part of this question is will I regret my decision if I decide to parent the baby? That’s equally as difficult a decision, because taking the baby home and not being able to provide for the baby and having the stress of worrying that your child is not going to have the life and the future and the opportunities you want your child to have is a deeply important decision.

The best thing you can do when you’re considering adoption is to weigh out your options. Determine what you’re able to do reasonably in terms of providing your child with the life, and the future, and the opportunities that you want your child to have. Look at your resources, look at who you can count on in terms of family and friends, not just because they say they’re going to help you, but look at what they’ve done in the past.

Have they helped you in the past when you’ve needed help? Then look at your reasons for proceeding with an adoption and then make the best decision you can possibly make. If you make a well reasoned decision, whether you decide to parent the baby or proceed with the adoption, you’re going to be fine and you’re not going to regret that decision.

Why is birth/expectant mom adoption counseling?

A woman makes no greater sacrifice than placing her baby for adoption, or giving up her baby for adoption, or making an adoption plan for her baby. If you’re the recipient of that sacrificial love on her part, you want to do everything you can and be sure that she’s okay and comes to peace with her decision. It’s the right thing to do.

What if I used drugs during my pregnancy, can I still put my baby up for adoption?

We encounter expected moms who have used drugs during their pregnancies. Some of them used before they knew they were pregnant, and some used drugs after they knew they were pregnant. Obviously, it would be better for everyone involved if they didn’t, but you can’t go backwards in time. You can’t change what’s already happened.

At Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh, we only judge what’s about people. We’re always trying to do what’s best for the baby. So if you find yourself in a position where you’re not sure that you can provide for your child, whether or not you’ve used drugs or alcohol during your pregnancy, please contact us. We have families who are open to all kinds of situations, and we’re sure that we can find a good home for your baby.

The most important thing when you contact Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh is to be honest with us. We’re not going to make any judgments about you. We’re not going to tell you we don’t have a family. We’re not going to report you to the police. Just be honest with us and we’ll find a good home for your baby.

Should I have my friend down the street adopt my baby?

When a woman is looking for a home for her baby, she’s making maybe the most important decision of her life. She’s trying to provide for the well being of her baby. It’s not something where you get a do over on, you want to provide your child the best life possible. If the person that you know down the street is that person, that person who’ll provide your child the best life possible then you ought to think about it.

But if there’s possibly someone else that might be better equipped to love your child and provide your child all the opportunities, education. All the things you want for your child, you might want to look into that rather than just going down the street. The second caution, or second warning we’d give to you is this, that  with our experience and we try not to let our clients do this. But in general, perspective adoptive parents are very negotiable before they have the baby. There’s a number of people who are just so desperate to have a baby they’ll promise a mom anything. We don’t let our clients do that but you have to be careful with that person down the street, who says, oh yeah you can come visit all the time. We’ve heard of a lot of situations where that doesn’t work out.

Another consideration is most of the expectant moms with whom we work are looking for their child to be raised in an environment better than the one that they can offer. Well if the person you’re thinking of adopting is quite literally down the street, is the environment in which your child going to be raised a lot different than the environment that the child would be raised if you parented the child? Also with respect to the promise of visitation. Any promise of visitation is not an enforceable promise, you’re really trusting that the family will provide the visitation that they say that they’re going to provide. We’ve seen a lot of situations where promises were made, where it wasn’t followed through on and the birth parent … The child is not in the best place possible in the birth mothers eye, and the child is only in the place, in the home that the child is in because the birth mother was expecting to get visitation and then didn’t get it. That’s probably not what you want to have happen.

When you think about the home life in which you’re placing your child, you need to consider a lot of factors. Often times the person down the street, or that you know of from a friend of a friend, may be convenient, may be expedient but may not be the best home for your baby.

I only have a week before I deliver, do I have time to make an adoption plan?

We can work with you whether you have a day or a week or a month or several months before you deliver. In fact, sometimes we don’t even know about a mom who’s considering adoption until after she delivers. You wouldn’t believe how many times we’ve gotten a phone call on a Saturday afternoon about a mom who delivered, so we can do it very quickly. Working with Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh, you’re never going to feel rushed. We’re never going to pressure you. We’ll get things done in the amount of time that you want them done.

If I proceed with the adoption will I ever see my child again?

If you proceed with an adoption, at least with one of our clients, now, we can’t speak for anyone else, but all of our clients would be happy to provide you letters and photographs letting you know how the baby is doing. Those updates are for 18 years. If you’re interested in having an ongoing relationship with family, visiting the child and that kind of thing, that’s more difficult. Frankly, a lot of the women with whom we’ve worked over the years, and we’ve worked with thousands of expectant mothers, they want to know that their child is safe and secure and then they want to get on with their lives.

Now, we’re not suggesting for a minute that a birth mother is ever going to forget her child because they’re not, but a lot of the women that we’ve worked with have wanted to put the adoption experience behind them and being intimately in the child’s life is not helpful for them and not what most adoptive parents are interested in doing. When the child becomes an adult, the child will have every opportunity to meet his or her birth mom, if that’s what the child and the birth mother wants to have happen.

Is visitation after an adoption a good idea?

For many women who are first starting to think about adoption, the idea of being able to visit the child is very appealing, until they get to thinking about it.

For a lot of women, in fact, most women who proceed with an adoption, they do so because they want what is best for their baby. Adoption is not a babysitting arrangement.

A woman who makes an adoption plan, gives her baby up for adoption, places her baby for adoption, puts up her baby for adoption, is entrusting another person to become the parents of that child. The birth mother and birth father’s parental rights are terminated in an adoption.

A lot of times we see women who want visitation and insist on visitation because they want to remain a part of the child’s life. If that is what the mother is after she is never going to be satisfied with the visitation arrangements, and it is likely that the adoptive parents are not going to follow through on their promise, which, by the way, is not an enforceable promise. If the adoptive parents offer visitation or agree to visitation, it cannot be enforced in law.

We recommend to expectant moms, and birth moms, who are thinking about visitation, they think about what it is they are really after. If they want to know that the child is OK, there are other ways of doing that. Letters, photographs, Skype calls, text message. There are all kinds of other ways to do that without the personal contact with the child.

So, when a woman says, “I am thinking about visitation,” we I ask her what it is she really wants. If she wants to know how the baby is doing, there are other ways to accomplish that, without the visits. Skype calls, letters, photographs, video. There are all kinds of other ways to do that without the personal contact with the child.

What we have found, and what a lot of moms that we have worked with have found, is that while the visits seem appealing initially, it is hard to say goodbye after the end of each visit. And, for many of them, they find that just knowing the child is OK is what they want.

What does it mean, 'I'm not obligated to proceed with an adoption...?'

When an expectant mom calls us, we try to assure that she’s not under any obligation to proceed with the adoption by talking with us. We tell her that because we don’t want her to feel any kind of pressure or obligation or sense of commitment to finalize her adoption plan at the time she’s meeting with us. She can’t finalize her adoption plan until after the baby’s born, but she can obtain information about the adoption prior to the birth of the baby, and that’s all the initial meeting is for is for us to provide information and answer questions.

Under Indiana law, a birth mother cannot sign a consent to adoption until after the baby’s born. Meeting with her does not mean that she had to proceed with the adoption. On the other hand, some women are confused, “Well, if I can’t proceed with the adoption should I go ahead and meet with you now or should I wait until later?” The answer is you should definitely meet with us now. The fact that you can’t commit to the adoption doesn’t mean that you can’t obtain information about the adoption. We think it’s important for a woman who’s thinking about adoption to find about adoption as soon as possible. We’re happy to meet with her in our office or her home or anywhere in between to answer her questions and provide her the information she needs to make the decision. The earlier that we have a chance to meet with her, the more time that she has to think about it.

What are the statistics regarding teen mothers and pregnancy?

Unfortunately, they’re very sad. 25% of women who have their first child as a teenager will have another child while they’re still a teenager. 60% of women living in poverty were teenagers when they had their first child. More scary of all is 85% of children living I poverty now were born to teen mothers. 85%, that’s 85% of children living in poverty were born to teen mothers. That’s very hard for the children and for the mothers. If you’re a teenager and pregnant, you need to realistically look at the life that you can provide for your child and yourself. Maybe adoption is a better option for you. It’s not easy. It’ll be the hardest thing you ever do, but it may be the best thing you ever do for your child.

Should I have someone on Social Security Disability adopt my child?

In order to adopt a child, a person has to have a home study done by a licensed child placing agency. One of the requirements of the home study is the family be able to demonstrate that they’re financially able to take care of a child. Now, that’s not the only requirement, but that’s one of the requirements. The bigger question is really this. Of literally all the millions of people that are ready, willing, and able to adopt a baby, do you really want your child to be adopted by someone on social security disability? Not because of the money so much, but if they’re on social security disability, are they able to run after and care for your child the way you want them to, the way you’d want your child cared for?

Oftentimes, and this question comes up a lot in our practice, a woman will come to us with a family who she’d like to have adopt and she’s doing it only because they’re interested in adopting and because she needs a family for her baby without really giving much thought to the fact that there are lots of options for families to adopt. When a woman is making an adoption plan for her baby, she needs to think not just about helping someone, although that’s a big part of adoption is the feeling of giving someone a gift they can’t otherwise have, but what’s best for the baby. That’s really the more important question. Is it best for my baby to have the family that I know who wants to adopt adopt the baby? Our recommendation is to consider lots of families to see what’s available and then decide. Just because you know of a family who’s interested in adopting doesn’t mean that that’s the family that may be best for your baby.

Think about it this way, if you were gonna get married, you wouldn’t marry the first guy that you met. You’d want to date a lot of people to determine if that’s the right man for you. Likewise with adoption. Don’t place your child with a family just because they’re available. There are lots of other options. It’s your decision, it’s your baby, but my recommendation is to consider lots of families before you ultimately decide who’s gonna have the privilege of adopting your baby.

I'm thinking about adoption but my family offered to help, what should I do?

You should do whatever you think is best for your baby. You’re the mother. It’s not their responsibility to help you. Some of them will help. But our experience over the last many years is that oftentimes those people who are offering assistance, even parents, are not as interested in providing assistance for a long term.

We even had a situation not too long ago where the birth mother’s mother said that she would raise the child and that the birth mother wouldn’t have any responsibility. There’s all kinds of reasons why that wouldn’t be a good idea, but the birth mom went with it, and then contacted us a couple years later.

As a parent, it’s a huge responsibility, and if you’re not prepared to take on that responsibility yourself, you should maybe look at other options, including adoption. We know it’s awfully tempting to take the assistance, but you have to be realistic in terms of what they’re going to do and what you’re going to be able to do if they don’t come through as promised.

In my open adoption, what can I do to enforce the promise to send me updates?

We’re very careful not to let our clients, the prospective adoptive parents, promise more than what they’re willing to do. Not every adoptive parent feels that way. Some adoptive parents feel that they can tell a birth mother anything in order to get the child, that once they have the child they don’t have to honor their promise. That’s not how we do it at Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh, We think it’s awful.

If you find yourself in one of those situations, you should contact the attorney or the agency or however you contacted the adoptive parents in the first place and ask them to help you. If you worked with Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh and you’re not getting updates you should let us know right away because we’lll certainly do whatever we can to make it happen for you. But again, we’re very careful to make sure that our clients don’t overpromise and we know that’s not the standard but that’s the standard at Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh.

If the child was two years of age or older at the time of placement, and if you entered into a written post-placement contact agreement that was approved by the court, you do have the option to go back to court to enforce that agreement. But in most situations especially with children less than two years of age, there is no way to enforce the agreement other than getting the adoptive parents to honor their promise.

I placed my baby for adoption 5 years ago, can I get living expenses now?

Unfortunately, you will not. Living expenses are not moneys given to a woman for her baby. That would be baby selling. Living expenses are moneys given to a woman to help her after the first trimester of her pregnancy up to six weeks following the birth of the baby to help with her expenses, therefore they wouldn’t be available really any time after six weeks after the baby’s born.

If I work with Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh on my adoption plan can I pick a non-Indiana family?

We represent families from all over the country. Oftentimes the birth mom will want the adoptive parents to be in an area not near where they live. Sometimes they even want the family to be out of state, we represent perspective adoptive parents from all over the country. If you let us know that that is one of your requests, we can certainly make that happen. You can also choose other things about the family if you’d like, their religion, their age, their occupation, whether or not they have other children. We will honor all of your requests to the extent that we possibly can.

If I change my mind about adoption what kind of fees and expenses do I owe?

A birth parent never pays any of our fees or expenses, whether or not they proceed with the adoption. Let me say it differently. If you work with Loving Adoptions by Kirsh & Kirsh and decide, even at the very last minute, that you’re not going to proceed with the adoption, you don’t owe us anything. No money, no obligation. You don’t owe us anything. We want you to do what’s best for you and, most importantly, what you believe is best for your baby. If that involves adoption, we’ll help you. If that involves another decision, we’ll wish you well. We’ll part friends. You won’t owe us anything.

Father gives pre-birth consent, I do not proceed, does he still pay support?

Whatever the birth father does prior to the birth of the baby only relates to an adoption of the child. In other words, if he signs a pre-birth consent, or he’s given pre-birth notice of the adoption and he doesn’t respond, and you choose not to proceed with the adoption, he still has all of his parental rights and all of his parental obligations. You could pursue a paternity action against him, and he would still have to pay support. He would be entitled to visits as would any father where paternity’s established and there’s not an adoption. So that fact that he signed or that he’s been given notice and doesn’t respond in no way whatsoever affects his rights if there’s no adoption. If there is an adoption, his having done those things prevents him from contesting the adoption later on.

Are You Pregnant And Considering Adoption?

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