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Birthmother

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY TEENAGED DAUGHTER IS PREGNANT. SHE IS NOT READY TO BE A MOTHER. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

As the father of 3 boys and having been married for more than 45 years, I often recall what my father’s words: “Steve, don’t worry; it is just the first 20 years that are the hardest.”  I remember him telling me that when my boys were toddlers and going through the terrible twos.  As a parent of children who are now between the ages of 38 and 43, I realized that although my dad was trying to be funny, the first twenty years are really not the hardest.  As children get older, they face bigger problems.  As newborns, our biggest challenge was getting up in the middle of the night to change a dirty diaper, feed a hungry baby, or comfort a crying child.  “Monster Repellant Spray” (a.k.a. Lysol) worked wonders keeping the night monsters at bay when the boys were little, and it was bedtime. As they got older, their problems grew in complexity.  Even as a father of a forty-three old son, I still find myself giving lots of (often unsolicited) advice.

So what does this have to do with parenting a pregnant, teenage daughter?  The point is that parenting does not mean that you have to submit to your child’s wishes.  Parenting means that you assume responsibility and guide your children to the decision that is best for them.

Therefore, my advice to a parent of a teenage daughter, who is pregnant, is don’t stop being a parent because they happen to be pregnant.  With teenagers, you often have to convince them that it was their idea to take action, and, sometimes, a subtle approach is better than a more direct one. But if your first attempt at convincing them does not work, you must continue to try.

A pregnant teen faces the most difficult decision of her life and cannot possibly comprehend the commitment it takes to parent a child. And even though they may think they know everything as a teenager, they don’t.  That is where parenting comes in.

There is a balance because Indiana law does not allow a person to give a coerced consent to adoption.  And, in fact, a consent to adoption that is coerced would not be valid.  However, as a parent, you have the responsibility to guide and protect your child even if your child does not agree. Parenting is not about consensus building or winning popularity contests. Parenting is about raising your child to help them achieve their full potential.

The “Kirsh Boys,” as the adoption attorneys at Kirsh & Kirsh, are sometimes called – Steve, and his brothers, Joel and Rob, and his son, Grant – pride themselves on answering questions about adoption and explaining the process without pressure or judgment. They cannot make adoption an easy choice, but they can make it less scary by removing some of the unknowns. Ultimately, a birth parent will have to decide if adoption is in their own best interests and the best interests of their child. We, at Kirsh & Kirsh, will not and cannot make that decision for anyone, but we can provide information and answers to questions.

Our contact information is below.  We will answer your questions and provide you the information you seek, without cost or obligation on your part. In other words, talking to us is FREE and does NOT mean you ever have to talk or text with us, again. The Kirsh Boys have 90 YEARS OF COMBINED EXPERIENCE practicing adoption law. We can help you find an AMAZING, WONDERFUL, adoptive home for your precious baby, whether you live in Noblesville or Indianapolis, Columbus or Bloomington, Evansville or Vincennes, or Winamac or Ft. Wayne, Richmond or West Lafayette, or any Indiana county or city in between, or ANYWHERE in Tennessee, Mississippi, or Kentucky.

We have lots of wonderful, carefully screened, loving families, FROM INDIANA AND ALL OVER THE COUNTRY (married, single, Lesbian, and Gay) who cannot wait to welcome a baby into their hearts and homes and are happy to assist with living expenses to the full extent allowed by law.

You can call, text, and or email us anytime -call: 317-575-5555, text: 317-721-2030, email: AdoptionSupport@kirsh.com, or Facebook message: https://www.facebook.com/KirshandKirsh/. We answer our office phone 24 hours a day, every single day. We try to respond to emails and text messages within minutes of receipt.

POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE DISCLAIMER:  Please understand that these blog posts are written in a way to use language that people use when searching for help with their adoption plans.  Unfortunately, while all of us understand what positive adoption language means, most expectant moms that come to us at first do not understand what that means. The most common search term on the Internet for expectant moms is “how do I give up my baby for adoption”.  If we do not include those words in our blog posts, and instead put “how do I create an adoption plan for my baby” then our website will not show up in most expectant mom’s search results in Google.

 

Birthmother

I Can’t Be Pregnant, Again! What should I do?

Over the 35+ years we have been handling adoptions, we at Adoption Attorneys Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C. (“Kirsh & Kirsh”) have worked with quite a few birth mothers who gave their babies up for adoption or, more correctly, made an adoption plan for their newborns, and later returned to us with another unplanned pregnancy – in fact, two this past weekend!  A previous birth mother said that she felt embarrassed to call us the second time because she felt like “scum” (her words) for winding up unexpectedly pregnant again. We assured her that her situation happens more than she thought – and it does.

Firstly, WE THANKED THE BIRTH MOM FOR CONTACTING US, AGAIN. We told her that even though she did not intend to get pregnant, her pregnancy is certainly not a “mistake”, and that if she proceeded with an adoption plan for her baby, her child will receive a loving, forever family, who wants desperately to have a child.

Most often, when this happens, we ask the birth mother if she would like to have the family, who adopted the previous baby, adopt the soon-to-be-born baby. Almost always she says, “YES,” and the family is thrilled to have the opportunity. As part of our adoption program, we have the adoptive parents provide letters and photos to the birth mother of their child, keeping the birth parent updated on how the child is doing, if the birth parent would like them. We have found a direct correlation between adoptive parents who diligently and timely provide those updates and a “repeat” birth mom’s decision to have the same family adopt.

A month ago, we forwarded to a now thirty-something year-old adoptee a letter his birth mother recently wrote. In his birth mother’s words:

“Over the years you were growing up, I asked on a number of occasions for updates about you. Your parents were kind and generous enough to respond. For that, they have my eternal gratitude. They wrote detailed and thoughtful letters responding to my many questions, describing who you were as a person, experiences you were having, how much they loved you.”

She placed only one child, but we expect that if she had a second untimely or unplanned pregnancy, she would have wanted the original family to adopt.

Very few women with whom we have met over the years got pregnant on purpose; however, the children born as a result of those pregnancies and then adopted have been an absolute blessing to the families who received them. We know this because every year, we receive hundreds of cards and letters from these families telling me how very much these children are loved and adored.

Birth mothers have always been, and will continue to be, heroes in our eyes. They place the needs of their children over their own, and at the same time make the dreams of families who long to be parents come true. It makes no difference whether it is a woman’s first or fifth pregnancy– the utterly selfless act of placing a child for adoption remains the same.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, we will always treat you will kindness and respect. We will never pressure you or make you feel badly about whatever decision you make.

You can call, text and or email us anytime. To contact us—call: 317-575-5555, text: 317-721-2030, email: AdoptionSupport@kirsh.com, or Facebook message:  https://www.facebook.com/KirshandKirsh/. We answer our office phone 24 hours a day, every single day. We try to respond to emails and text messages within minutes of receipt.