Over the 35+ years we have been handling adoptions, we at Adoption Attorneys Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C. (“Kirsh & Kirsh”) have worked with quite a few birth mothers who gave their babies up for adoption or, more correctly, made an adoption plan for their newborns, and later returned to us with another unplanned pregnancy – in fact, two this past weekend! A previous birth mother said that she felt embarrassed to call us the second time because she felt like “scum” (her words) for winding up unexpectedly pregnant again. We assured her that her situation happens more than she thought – and it does.
Firstly, WE THANKED THE BIRTH MOM FOR CONTACTING US, AGAIN. We told her that even though she did not intend to get pregnant, her pregnancy is certainly not a “mistake”, and that if she proceeded with an adoption plan for her baby, her child will receive a loving, forever family, who wants desperately to have a child.
Most often, when this happens, we ask the birth mother if she would like to have the family, who adopted the previous baby, adopt the soon-to-be-born baby. Almost always she says, “YES,” and the family is thrilled to have the opportunity. As part of our adoption program, we have the adoptive parents provide letters and photos to the birth mother of their child, keeping the birth parent updated on how the child is doing, if the birth parent would like them. We have found a direct correlation between adoptive parents who diligently and timely provide those updates and a “repeat” birth mom’s decision to have the same family adopt.
A month ago, we forwarded to a now thirty-something year-old adoptee a letter his birth mother recently wrote. In his birth mother’s words:
“Over the years you were growing up, I asked on a number of occasions for updates about you. Your parents were kind and generous enough to respond. For that, they have my eternal gratitude. They wrote detailed and thoughtful letters responding to my many questions, describing who you were as a person, experiences you were having, how much they loved you.”
She placed only one child, but we expect that if she had a second untimely or unplanned pregnancy, she would have wanted the original family to adopt.
Very few women with whom we have met over the years got pregnant on purpose; however, the children born as a result of those pregnancies and then adopted have been an absolute blessing to the families who received them. We know this because every year, we receive hundreds of cards and letters from these families telling me how very much these children are loved and adored.
Birth mothers have always been, and will continue to be, heroes in our eyes. They place the needs of their children over their own, and at the same time make the dreams of families who long to be parents come true. It makes no difference whether it is a woman’s first or fifth pregnancy– the utterly selfless act of placing a child for adoption remains the same.
At Kirsh & Kirsh, we will always treat you will kindness and respect. We will never pressure you or make you feel badly about whatever decision you make.
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